Chaos Theory

Posted by Unknown

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” 

~  Friedrich Nietzsche

I have officially welcomed chaos into my life lately!  And don't get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I'm actually back on that road to being 'me' again.  This is me.. chaos chaos chaos!  Luckily I have married a man who is the opposite of chaos.  No wait.. he is the opposite of the form of chaos that I gravitate toward.. and I am the opposite of the form of chaos that he gravitates toward.  My point here, however, is just that THANK GOD I have someone to balance my life in certain ways because this allows me to embrace my craziness and find happiness and success within it!  I hope that he would say the same.

Herein lies my chaos:  I am now fully-immersed in two masters-level courses that I am taking at a state university.  I am taking them as online courses, and I am finding that I very much enjoy the online course process!  Busy-busy already.. and of course, the semester is only 2 weeks in.. but I feel like I just put on a very well-fitting pair of sneakers.  Slipped them on and I'm ready to run!  

Speaking of running.. that's another part of my chaotic life.  I'm gearing up for major triathlon/duathlon/running training for the 2010 season.  I have joined a somewhat-local women's triathlon team.  Last year I joined their 'virtual team' because I could not make it to many of their clinics, coaching sessions, etc (they are not located close enough to my suburb to work with my kids' schedules).  This year I have decided to take the big plunge and go for the big commitment.  I'm very excited!!  One of the best things about this season is that they have established 'pod' training groups (it is a huge team/club) - dependent on your location.  This means that I will meet people who actually live pretty close to me that I can train with/hang with/etc.  I am def. looking forward to expanding my network.  I'd love to compete in the Tri For The Cure this summer and have a very respectable finish time.  That's my goal.  And.. bonus.. I move up an age group this year!  Dam I'm old.  Sigh.  But I"m the youngest of my age group!  And this means my transition spot will be a teeny bit closer to the start/finish lines..  :)  Go me.

Ok enough tri-talk.  

I've also suddenly found my photo/film biz to be taking off a little.  This is exciting, as it is one of my great passions in life.  I have totally needed an artistic outlet recently.  It's therapeutic for me.  

As part of this work-life, I feel privileged that the Joint Council on Int'l Children's Services has asked me to create a short Haiti-related film for them.  You might recall that I created their 2009 membership film.  Great experience, great group of people to work with, and a cause that I feel very strongly about.  I'm very excited to be able to do something.. anything.. to help the orphans in Haiti.  It devastates me every time that I turn on the tv or look at news headlines online.  I browsed some youtube videos today and was a bit overcome with sadness for the Haitian people.  It puts your life in perspective, doesn't it?  I just want to join the JC reps in journeying down to Haiti to help.  If I did not have my girls to think of, I'd be doing anything that I possibly could do.  I hate feeling helpless when so many people are in such dire need of help.  Especially the children.  I saw a clip of a fallen school.. with the headmaster trying to get to a boy who is buried so far under that he will likely not be rescued (and I don't know when this clip was taken, so not sure of the outcome).  He kept yelling to the boy and the boy would respond.  But nothing they could do.  My heart breaks.

I look at my house and think.. well.. I could fit a couple more kiddos in here..  and I feel a bit sickened by the amount of material comforts that we have, when so many have absolutely nothing.  My heart breaks again.

Add these things together and then add in my best little buddies (yes I am talking about my girls).. and life is F U L L.  Exactly what I need.  My chaos makes me a better person, a better wife, and a better mom.  I want my girls to grow up understanding that they need to be in touch with the events happening around the globe and they need to do their part to make this world a better place.  I've had many discussions with Maya about this lately.  She knows that we are trying to help the Haitian orphans.. she knows that I train and compete in the Tri in order to honor her grandmother.. and she knows that we need to thank God every day for everything that we have.  
It could be gone in an instant.  

Hug your kids.  

Oh heck, hug various family members!  :)